I am a night owl or a vampire, either way i am up late. i watch all sports, movies, seinfeld reruns and pray for a cheers marathon. my beef today, in the new year of 2009, good tidings to all, is the christian rock albums that are being peddled. i get if you are of that religion and like the jams. but i dont get the 19 year olds sweating to such hits as ‘my god is an awesome god” while crying and sweating and jamming. i have seen the stones, the who and was at jerrys last show and i dont get it. the i can only imagine platinum edition cd collection of christian rock is something that i will never understand. i am watching rocky iv and this is what comes on. and it comes on during sportscenter. sell your cool aid somewhere else. the lord wouldnt charge 19.95 for his word, why should you. dont interupt happy time with your craziness. and the kicker, pop one hit wonder amy grant and others who were great to ass holes who liked them in 1991 are revitalized in this crap rock world. if i am at a concert, the holy spirit isnt running through my veins, it is probably organic and dlightful. and if i am sweating its because i forgot my address not from the power above and if i pay to see a concert, a light show better kick ass. i see mick jagger, townsend and even the late stevie ray vaughn and i think thank god they were a religious experience. christian rock, i would rather listen to a monkey being de-balled without drugs. long live the usa, and happy 2009 squirells, a nut is yours afetr hibernation.
Archive for the 'bizarre' Category
good god
now people this is just wrong.
i know we all like to make fun of the hillary/obama thing and that after last night she supposedly gets to have some bragging rights, but come on people.
funny, but wrong.
while driving in the car today i turned on the radio; you know that thing we all used to listen to before cds, mp3s, xm, sirius, and ipods; and while flipping through the stations i came upon a song that i had never heard before. it had the most awful chorus that just kept repeating: ‘elbows up, side to side. elbows up, side to side’ followed by a horrible voice that really sounded like a bad voice-over saying ‘i lean like a cholo’.
that was it. i had enough. to begin let’s define what makes a cholo. according to our friends over at urbandictionary.com:
cholo – A cholo is term implying a Hispanic male that typically dresses in chinos (khaki pants), a wifebeater sleeveless teeshirt or a flannel shirt with only the top buttoned, a hairnet, or with a bandana around the forehead, usually halfway down over the eyes. Cholos often have black ink tattoos, commonly involving Catholic imagery, or calligraphy messages or family names.
okay, really a dirogatory song is one thing if it’s good; one need not reference dr. dre’s the chronic and the gratuitous use of the ‘n’ word. however this is nothing more than a modern day version of gene simmons sweatin to the oldies. let’s look at the lyrics shall we:
All the homies they know what i mean
baby let me show u how i lean(Like a cholo)lay back bounce in the club
when we do a dance ya we do it like what
seriously. what, did you wipe your ass and come up with that? can you not put a full 16 bars together of cohesive words and make a decent song? do you need to make fun of people to get a hit? this is not music. this is music for an instructional video at best. music doesn’t just do voice-overs and give you instructions. this is what’s wrong with the music industry: shitty one hit wonders. this dude will be back flipping burgers in no time once they are done with him.
i wont even link to his video on youtube because i don’t want him to get any more than his 15 minutes. oh and in case you were wondering, the author of this post is not a hater.
des moines bacon festival
oh no, it doesn’t stop there. now i love pork fat as much as the next guy and i told my lady that if she rubbed a little prosciutto on her neck and wrists she’d be up for promotion at work in no time. in any case leave it to the fine folks in des moines, iowa to put together the greatest festival of all time: the blue ribbon bacon festival. now this isn’t just a bunch of people getting together to eat pork and sing songs relating to pork, no. this is just as much about pbr as it is about bacon.
here’s what’s in store for you at the blue ribbon bacon festival: a lecture on bacon, a bacon eating competition, $1 pbr pulls (that’s drafts for the uninitiated), a bacon tasting and other activities that the use of alcohol combined with bacon and local & state laws allow, each person gets a bacon bracelet and a t-shirt to commemorate the event. (though i think their next cholesterol test should serve that purpose)
i for one will be there should i be able to get clearance from my cardiologist, trainer, my lady and be able to find some other deranged people to join me. for complete details see the des moines register. hope to see you there. and if i am there i will hopefully throw caution to the wind (whatever the hell that means) and sack up for the bacon eating contest.
see here. btw, big ups to michael ruhlman for bringing this to the food community on the 31st of january. to bring it all into perspective this equates to roughly: 6.6 acres of land (43,560 ft square per acre) stacked wall-to-wall and 10 feet high in nothing but ground beef. *assuming we use a specific gravity of 0.9 for meat and converted it to water-based volume metrics. i think i just vomited in my mouth a little in any case.
now this comes on the heels of an investigation by the humane society into a slaughterhouse in chino, ca. there’s a string of videos on the humane society website that sparked a whole lot of controversy of the mistreatment of animals and slaughterhouses as a whole. one video in particular shows a downed cow attempting to be picked up with a forklift so it can meet inspection and be sold. getting flashes of the jungle by upton sinclair?
for those uninitiated a cow must be able to stand on its own and walk in order to meet the most basic qualifications for inspection. these are some of the most basic qualifications, they are not what makes it a good cow. the videos show not just the forklift but cows being stung with electric prods and shocked to try and get them to stand. now, i enjoy cheap meat as much as the next guy but here’s the worst part of the whole story: most of this meat was sold to elementary schools. yeah, you read correctly, these went to our children and while the latest recall is the largest in u.s. history the sad truth is that it’s most likely too late. sources say most of the beef has likely been consumed!
i have said it before and i’ll say it again: there are certain things in this world that you should pay good money for. for example: don’t buy cheap shoes when you have to stand or walk all day, don’t buy cheap sushi (do i even need to explain why this is on the list?), and most of all don’t buy cheap meat. know your butcher, develop a good relationship with him or her. ask them questions, don’t be accusative, but ask them questions to develop that relationship. also, when possible, get meat from a local butcher; their quality trumps that of the mega-mart any day of the week and twice on sunday. know your product and know what goes in your body. with that said, who wants a cheeseburger? i got the grill fired up already.
sometimes there’s just too much running through your brain to process and try to get to sleep. for the untold number of times recently i woke at 3 something in the morning and for whatever reason my brain decides that it’s going to hit the ground running.
my mind begins by recalling portions of my life as though they are blog entries or chapters in a book hopping from one tangent to another as the pace picks up. it’s like being in an italian sportscar when someone punches the gas: your head is pinned against the seat and you accelerate at a tremendous velocity. before i know it i can’t remember where i started and there is no end in sight. this continues for, no lie, like 2 hours.
another oddity seems to be that i can wake up with a song in my head that i may not have heard in years. mostly the ones that are ingrained in my cerebellum are the ones that i used to have to listen to when driving in the car with my parents growing up. the ones that during the 80′s were considered ‘oldies‘ which now makes them ancient music. sorry ma. i could recite them in a coma if i had to yet for some reason ‘you’ve lost that lovin’ feelin‘ seems quite right to wake up to this morning.
maybe i should consider the ‘sleep number‘ beds that i see lindsay wagner hocking on television infomercials. perhaps a ‘craftmatic 2 adjustable bed‘, they seem to do wonders for the geriatric crowd. maybe i’ll just do like i used to in college and chug a bottle of nyquil. that usually solves it……….
day one at the temp gig
have you ever had one of those weird almost out-of-body experiences? i had one today. i started working a temp gig at a law firm in the loop. it’s pretty cool actually. i’m part of the team that’s migrating some websites from one server and system to another. it’s pretty cool/easy but i digress.
the weird part was that i was (as of yesterday) collecting unemployment and here i am today with a keycard, laptop, m$ exchange email account and the like. i felt like a real professional. it just felt weird, felt good, but weird. i almost felt like it was someone else’s life. it’s a major global firm so there are many cogs in the wheel, but nonetheless it’s pretty cool.
other than that i can’t really put words down to describe it. if i could i would have more details but alas, there’s a confid yadda yadda agreement in place.
